How to Reclaim the True Soft Girl Era

Finding Yourself in Every “Era”

Stepping into adulthood and motherhood has a way of reshaping how you see yourself, your femininity, your identity, and the aesthetic choices you make. Lately, through my Becoming Her journey, I’ve been looking back on the eras I’ve lived through and realizing how much of who I am now came from the girl I used to be.

And when I combine that with everything God has been showing me during my season of faith, surrender, and spiritual maturity, I’m starting to understand myself on a deeper level, far beyond trends, aesthetics, or social media timelines.

With that perspective… the Soft Girl Era hits a little differently.

The King Kylie Era: A Simpler Time

It’s funny thinking back to 2016, the good old days, the King Kylie era. Cut creases, thick eyebrows, long acrylics, bone-straight colored hair, Victoria’s Secret pajama sets… life was simple. I didn’t question why I liked any of it; I just did. It was popular, it was “in,” and honestly, it was fun.

Now that I’m older, I can clearly see how trends, influence, and aesthetics have always shaped us, not fully, but enough to make a difference. We were all walking around with blue eyeshadow and purple lipstick, thinking we were that girl. And in a way… we were.

But the King Kylie era is over (sadly), and now we’re in the Soft Girl / Clean Girl Era. And I hate to admit it, but the influence is influencing. I’ve been exploring the feminine side of myself while also refusing to lose who I actually am. I love clean-girl makeup: concealer, blush, and lip gloss. But I also love dark clothes and sometimes dark nail polish, especially for the fall. I love feeling like a petite, feminine woman when I attend Pilates… but I also enjoy reps to failure and listening to Afnan Khalifa while on the stair master.

Defining My Own Soft Girl Era: Femininity Beyond Trends

So really, I’m still me, just with a few aesthetically pleasing tweaks.

Before the soft girl trend even had a name, I was already trying to understand what femininity meant for me, not what it meant online. That’s something I talk about deeply in my Becoming Her reflection: the truth that “becoming” is internal long before it becomes external.

But here’s where things get tricky…

The Soft Girl Era Is Cute… But Is It Realistic?

Social media has romanticized the soft life so much that it almost feels like a requirement. Suddenly, everyone is announcing their “soft girl era” like it’s a new personality.

And don’t get me wrong, I love self-improvement. I love feminine energy. I love leveling up.

But I’m not going to put myself in some aesthetic mold just to keep up with what the internet says is “in” this year. We were all created uniquely for a reason, and I intend to preserve my uniqueness.

The TikTok Soft Girl Lifestyle Isn’t Reality

According to TikTok, a real soft girl’s day looks like:

Morning skin care
Matcha
Pilates
Target
Mid-day nap
Doom scroll
Lunch with friends
Selfies
Dinner at Nobu
Sleep

@thenewsmovement
Is it time to embrace the soft girl aesthetic? Or could the trend be problematic?? The soft life was an online movement started by Black women that emerged in 2021, calling on them to stop trying to achieve it all when that’s unrealistic. Living a soft life and being a soft girl has come to mean different things for different people, with women like @mikaelaloach defining herself as a soft Black girl – rejecting the stereotype of angry Black women. #softgirl is now a trend on TikTok with over 3 billion views, and can mean anything from putting more time into your self-care routine, to quitting your job to focus on yourself. #softlife #softgirlaesthetic #girlbossera
♬ original sound – The News Movement

And honestly? That routine is tempting. But when you look at the finances, the life responsibilities, and the future risks… the temptation fades real quick.

Let’s be honest: a soft girl lifestyle is expensive. So the real question becomes:
Who’s going to fund that for you forever?

Even if you marry a provider, divorces are real.
Half of marriages end in divorce. Half. This isn’t even including the couples that don’t believe in divorce but are miserable every day.

And for me? The idea of depending 100% on someone else other than Jesus Christ himself, especially when I have a daughter, is a risk that feels way too high for my comfort.

That’s where my season of surrender to God really shaped my thinking. In my faith & surrender journey, I learned that obedience to God includes using wisdom, building structure, and protecting what I’ve been trusted with.

I refuse to let my daughter’s well-being depend on a trend that’ll be replaced by another very soon.

My Version of the Soft Girl Era: Femininity With Security

So here’s what I decided:

I can be a soft, feminine woman AND still build stability, structure, and financial security.

My daughter deserves a peaceful life, not one built on dependence, uncertainty, or praying that things don’t fall apart. If she’s going to live a soft life, I want to be the one who provides it for her, not a trend, not a man, not aesthetics.

Soft girl… but with discipline.
Clean girl… but with responsibilities.
Feminine energy… but with a plan.

That’s the real flex.

And honestly, that aligns so deeply with what I wrote in my Becoming Her post, choosing identity over aesthetics.

My Daily Routine: Soft, But Strategic

My routine doesn’t look like the TikTok version, but it works for me.

I wake up at 6 AM to get my daughter ready and get myself together for work.
I do my clean-girl makeup… but nothing about waking up before the sun feels soft.
I work my 8-hour shift at my “soft girl desk job.”
I pick up my baby, we eat dinner, and I check off the goals I set for myself that week.

Not aesthetic, but it brings me peace.
Not trendy, but it’s building my future.
Not effortless, but it’s stable.

Sometimes I still treat myself to a Target run. Sometimes I take naps. Sometimes I’m in my Pilates era; sometimes I’m throwing heavy weights around at the gym.

It’s balanced.
It’s real.
It’s mine.

This is the version of womanhood that my Becoming Her journey taught me, not perfect, but purposeful.

The Reality Check That Changed Everything

A few months ago, I was deep in my soft girl era. I was a Pilates girly, Target girly, nap-whenever girly… and it was cute for Instagram, but my logical brain kept tapping me on the shoulder like:
“Girl… this is not sustainable.”

Plus, I worked hard for my bachelor’s degree. I spent years studying, invested money, sacrificed sleep, I can’t just throw all that away for an aesthetic. I’m still paying down loans every month, and I deserve to see some ROI. If the loan forgiveness bill were passed, maybe things would be a little different ;).

So I tightened up my routine, got structured, made weekly checklists, and actually followed through with them. I even stopped beating myself up for small slip-ups when I didn’t execute certain tasks.

This version of me?
She gives herself grace.
She reflects instead of spiraling.
She holds herself accountable but doesn’t bully herself anymore.
She’s soft, but with boundaries.
She’s disciplined, but with compassion.
And she’s not a quitter.

And honestly, that’s exactly what my Faith & Surrender post is about, strength rooted in peace, not aesthetics.

Navigating Your 20s as a Mother

Your 20s are confusing enough. Add motherhood to it, and it’s a whole different world.

Society loves to discourage young moms, but motherhood saved me. It motivates me, strengthens me, and reminds me that I can’t afford to play around with trends. I have a little girl who needs guidance and a good example of what a woman should look like and do.

My daughter will get the “soft” life.
She’ll have peace, options, and security.
She’ll get the life girls on TikTok dream about, but hers will be real, stable, and backed by a mother who built it from the ground up.

I wonder what her era will be when she’s 20.
Maybe she’ll be in her “political girlie” era.
Or her “fashion girlie” era.
Or maybe she’ll start her own trend, strong, soft, feminine, and secure.

Just like her mom.